Month: May 2011
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The Agony of Defeat
I’m so depressed about the baseball season right now. The Rockies have catastrophically failed in almost every aspect, and I don’t foresee it getting much better any time soon. And if they had a bad start, and continued a slump through May, that would be one thing. But they were leading the division — they…
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20 Facts About Baseball You Didn’t Know
1) PNC Park, home to the Pittsburgh Pirates, was built on what was later identified as an American Indian burial ground belonging to the Shelmikedmus nation. Since its construction, the Pirates have not had a winning season. 2) No player in history at the major league level has had the middle name Xavier. 3) During the filming of…
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Extreme Hoarding
Yesterday I caught about an episode and a half of this show Extreme Couponing and felt maybe 10% intrigue and 90% anxiety and terror. If you haven’t seen the show, the basic rundown: they follow maybe two families a show, with some alpha-mom type that has giant binders filled with coupons that makes an attack run…
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Please Shut the Fuck Up About the Rapture
Everyone is talking about how the world is ending on Saturday. It’s like the Sarah Palin of news stories right now: incredibly embarrassing, and something that won’t go away if you keep talking about it. So of course I’m going to write about it, because that’s what I do. I wasn’t raised believing the rapture;…
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The Retail Race to the Bottom
The Borders by my house looks like a food warehouse two years after the apocalypse started. I went a few weeks ago, when the sign dudes stood on the corner with the “ALL TITLES 40-60% OFF”, hoping to snag an armful of good science fiction, because I’m going through this phase where I’m trying to…
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Rumored to Exist eBook Now Available
“One day in 1971, Ozzy and Tony Iommi took 47 hits of acid and just outside of Newark, New Jersey accidentally found the giant tablets of gold from which the Mormon religion was founded. They decided it would be wise to melt it into a giant bong and take it on the road with them…
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The Death of Death
I was in the allergy clinic last week, waiting for my arm to swell up until it looked like it took a Justin Verlander fastball, and I saw some magazine with a cover story about man reaching immortality. I didn’t read the article, because I know there are exactly two types of articles in magazines:…