The Wrath of Kon

Dispatches, thoughts, and miscellanea from writer Jon Konrath

The joy of overwhelming rainstorms

One thing neat to me about Denver is we get these absolutely killer thunderstorms. I am not sure if it’s the altitude, the lack of humidity, or the rapid temp changes, but sometimes you get these wicked bursts where you swear someone is standing outside your window with a strobe gun. And to watch it at night is absolutely amazing, the way the bolts of lightning jump from the horizon and arc up to the dark clouds. We never had weather like this in Seattle, because the mountain ranges broke it up. New York sometimes had some dramatic storms, but when you’re in a brick shithouse apartment and your only view is your neighbor’s brick shithouse, it’s not as dramatic as having a full horizon view. I guess if you lucked out and were high up in a tall building, it would look cool with the lightning and the city below you, though. Probably the last place I had really good t-storms was in Bloomington.

And that reminds me of… Summer Rain. And it’s 15 years since that summer happened, which is a huge mindfuck for me, because so much of it feels like yesterday. And so much of it seems three universes ago, too. Of the many things that I recall from then, one of the strongest memories is watching these absolutely overwhelming rainstorms. There’s a scene in the book, which I probably don’t do justice to the environment, but I’m stuck at the north entrance of the IMU, and it’s pouring inches and inches of rain, to the point where the sound is overwhelming, like hearing a frying pan full of hot oil gurgle and explode at full tilt. And when a lightning strike hit, the darkness outside would suddenly get this brighter-than-day flashbulb for a split-second, and you’d see everything outside again like it was high noon. And every night I had a show at WQAX, it poured rain. If I did two shows a week, it would rain Tuesday and Thursday. If I subbed for someone on a Saturday, it poured. If I couldn’t make a show, no rain. That’s where the book title comes from.

And it’s also weird that it’s been 20 years since the summer when I got my driver’s license. I’ve gone on about this too much, the job at Taco Bell, my first CD player, my first car. It’s always weird to have a nice even number slapped on it. I mean, saying “I’ve been driving for 17 months and 12 days” is nothing like “I’ve been driving for 20 years”. And that’s a million worlds away - I’m 20 years and 1100 miles from there, and every old yuppie neighborhood is now a Mexican neighborhood, and one mall is dead and the other is dying, and my old Taco Bell is now a Mexican insurance agancy. But if I go to the Taco Bell on Colfax and order a Mexican pizza and a nachos with a Mountain Dew, it’s like a time machine back.

Anyway.

Vs. Brewers tonight at 7

, if it doesn’t rain. And again Weds. at 1
. Cubs on Thu, Sat, and Sun. I am not a huge fan of the Lou or anything; it just randomly ended up that way. BTW I got the 2K7 baseball game for Playstation 3, and man I have no hand-eye coordination whatsoever. It uses every button on the controller in 7 different ways, plus joystick motion. I was damn surprised when I was able to actually pull off the simplest of single plays, and I think I got a batter to make ball contact maybe three times. The neat thing about this is it has a manager mode, where you pick your franchise, draft or boot players according to budget, set ticket prices, move people up/down from minors, all of this. Then you go through the entire schedule and play a season (or a season with less games) and for each game, you pick starting pitcher, lineup, etc. Then you can either sim the game (have the computer zap through and tell you who won/lost/etc) or you can manually play it, where you’re the pitcher or batters. Or you can just manage the game, where you go through pitch-for-pitch and say what you want the batter or pitcher to do. It’s fairly fast, and you can get through a nine-inning game in like five minutes.

Anyway, like an idiot, I picked the Rockies as my franchise, and I finished a season at like .228 or something horrific. A couple of things worked OK - I traded Todd Helton for like 65 other players, and got Kenny Rogers to pitch, which is a good fit for the starter-deficient Rockies. Since everything is pegged at the pre-2007 stats though, none of the real shining stars of the team are there. Matsui is in the minors, and if you bring him up, he’s not a great hitter. You have Kim pitching, and he has like a three-digit ERA, and absolutely nobody will take him in a trade. I tried to give him away and I couldn’t. So yeah. I only have two complaints about the game. One is, I wish after you simmed or managed a game, there was a way to watch highlights ESPN-style or something, or even sit through and watch all 9 innings in the real, 3-d stadium view mode. The other complaint is I don’t have the time to fuck with this shit. I should put the game away until after the Rockies don’t make the playoffs and it’s snowing outside, then I will manage like the next ten seasons.

Man I’ve wasted too much of my abbreviated day on this - I need to start writing.

No AC

I can’t believe my first car did not have air conditioning. I mean, I paid $300 for it, and I’m sure if it did have AC, I would have disconnected it to get a faster 0-60 time, because that and a loud stereo were about all I cared about then. But I was thinking about the fact that I spend all day indoors in the AC, and I go into our enclosed garage and get in the car with AC, and sometimes it can be days before I’m exposed to the outside air. That’s great when it’s 95 out, but it’s also weird, which made me think about life with no car AC.

That Camaro had an all-black interior, and no pleasant new-car smell anymore, so getting in after parking for an afternoon in the sun was never pleasant. And the only antidote to the summer sun was opening the huge side windows, and maybe running the vent fan setting, which worked about as effectively as crepe paper body armor. But I spent a lot of damn time in that car back then. And I remember driving down Cleveland Road, the back way to Mishawaka from Elkhart, thinking about how the soup of hot air would flood the car every time I stopped at an intersection.

The Camaro had no AC. My first Escort had no AC, but it also had no right side, so it never got hot. My Turismo had AC, but it was disconnected when I got it. Also, that car lasted a school year and blew up before the summer, so I never needed air. VW: disconnected air. Mustang: it had AC, but it was almost out of freon. If you drove a long roadtrip, it would spin enough to produce some cold, but otherwise it was useless. So that’s almost a decade of cars without AC, and then my second Escort (no thanks to Evergreen Ford) had a very good AC system, and the new car smell that made you want to keep the windows closed.

New car smell, by the way, is carcinogenic outgassing from the plastic. What’s good is bad.

I still have many fond memories of driving around in the summer, though, in that huge black beast of a car. It’s so strange: my current economy wagon-thing has more BHP than my Camaro, and weighs half as much, and gets maybe twice the milage if not more. And I was always horribly broke back then, making something like $100 a week if I was lucky, and there probably hasn’t been a day in 2007 that I had less than my 1987 net worth in my wallet without even trying. But my brain still goes back there.

I still have this conflict that I want this time right now to be the same, or bigger than what was then. Like when I’m 50, I want to be thinking “man, back in 2007…”, and I probably will be, but it’s easy to overlook that. (Hell, sometimes the right song hits the shuffle on my iPod and I’m thinking back to 1997, and I have absolutely no intention of ever going back to Seattle, and I have no desire to revisit any part of my life back then.) And the part that gets me is that I don’t want to ever write another Summer Rain, or dick around with short stories trying to capture some long-ago part of my past. But when I start thinking about these things, I do want to write them down, or use them as source material. It’s so tempting, but it’s also not what I want to do anymore.

I went back to “book three”, which is tentatively called The Device, and I keep yo-yoing between that and some other random project of the week, but I know I need to finish this first. I’m 65,000 words into it; it’s three parts, with the first one done, the second one getting there, and the third pretty mapped out. What I have now is pretty basic and doesn’t have the thickness or level of weirdness Rumored does. But the first draft of Rumored didn’t either - it took seven major drafts and about five years worth of work to get it there.

The zine deadline is tomorrow, and it is 16,500 words short of #11’s length. Maybe there will be some last-minute additions, and I guess I have to write an introduction, which is like a thousand words. But shit, I can’t keep waiting. I will just widen the margins or something.

Rockies - Padres

I went to the last Rockies-Padres game of the series yesterday, which wasn’t part of the six-pack or the other two loose tickets I had, but just part of a general scheme to try and see each MLB team in play at some point. I think by the end of the year, I will be about halfway there. Anyway, a quick bulleted list:

  • I am running out of witty observations about Coors Field, and paying more attention to the game. Fun for me, but it means I have less to write about here.
  • It was HOT yesterday, close to 100, and even though I wore SPF 60, I got sunburned. I also wore my leg brace (because it’s acting weird lately) and now I have a perfect red circle burned into my knee, where there’s a little hole in the fabric.
  • My seats were in 331 again, but in the last row, so there was a wall behind me, and I got a tiny bit of shade.
  • A guy sat next to me that reminded me of the George Sibley character from Six Feet Under and talked to me through the entire game. Normally, I would have beaten him down, but he was a walking baseball encyclopedia, and we talked the whole time about the game, which was great. Because of this, I didn’t listen to my radio, but I didn’t really need to.
  • A ton of kids were there, from some school or maybe a church thing. There were entire blocks of seating with just kids wearing matching bright yellow or bright orange or bright red shirts. Aside from the general congestion, the kids cheered at 100% for every damn thing that happened for about three innings, then they got bored and shut up.
  • Aaron Cook (Who I still think looks like a pirate) pitched the entire game in only 74 pitches, which I think ties a MLB record. He also had three hits, all non-bunts which is not bad for a pitcher. In the 8th, everyone expected him to get switched out with a pinch hitter. When he came out to the mound and basically said “look, I’m not a pussy”, there was probably the biggest round of applause I’ve heard at that stadium, and everyone stood up and cheered him.
  • The Padres has some monumentally stupid fielding errors. The Rockies had a couple of all-out-dive-catches that were excellent.
  • In one of those Rockies catches, someone (and I forget who) dove and dug in, but caught the ball, but then a bunch of people came out on the field. Everyone was thinking “oh shit, someone got injured”, but it turns out everyone was staring down at this divot in the outfield, and a groundskeeper put it back, and all was well.
  • Matsui was on second and there was a grounder hit out, and he probably should not have run at all, but he took off like a bat out of hell and made it home. That guy can run like a motherfucker!
  • Todd Helton still needs to shave off that goatee. If he really wants to get traded to Boston, he should shave off that shit so they think he’s way younger.

Next game is the Brewers - actually I’m going to a day game an a night game. I need to find some better sunscreen. I’m also thinking about bringing a small soft-side cooler with a few water bottles in it, instead of paying $27.50 for a 6-ounce bottle of lukewarm water at the park.

I’m still at work on a couple of different writing projects, and getting the zine rolling will be the big 800-pound gorilla. I have almost everything in. If you’ve promised me a story, get off your ass and finish up, before the train leaves the station. (Okay, too many metaphors for today.)

Wasting time on Yelp, da Cubs

First of all, I’m wasting a lot of times writing reviews on Yelp. So go to jkonrath.yelp.com and check that out. It would also be cool if some of you joined and hooked up with me. I don’t know why, but I know a certain lawyer in the Chicago area that has an encyclopedic knowledge of dive bars and Harley joints and it would be interesting to hear about some of that. Yes, it’s another one of those “create content for us so we can make money” things. But here in Denver, I’ve found that the only types of restaurant reviews are the prefabricated ones that linkfarm sites use that are essentially useless for finding a place to eat, or the newspaper reviews from the places that are completely brown-nosing the local restaurant scene, and providing useless information. Like all reviews for Best Indian Restaurant pointed to this one place, saying “they’re really authentic! they’re really formal! It’s so great! GLGLGLGLGLGLG!” and we went and it was on par with one of the places in New York where taxi drivers buy food between shifts. So, it was good to see an alternative, and I’ve found like 19 restaurants that I want to try out here. It’s also fun to rag on places in Elkhart.

I have been working on two writing projects, so I haven’t had much time to do anything on here. There is also some weird construction project across the street, where it looks like they’re stringing a huge piece of sewer pipe underground from one block to another. There are a couple dozen pieces of heavy machinery, a water truck, what looks like a CO2 or maybe coolant tanker, a ton of guys in orange vests standing around doing nothing, and about two weeks of jackhammering, concrete sawing, and other high-decibel noise that you don’t want happening right across the street from your desk. But it looks like it will end soon. And hey, I have a laptop now! I mean I did before, but now my main machine is a laptop, so it’s very easy to unplug and go elsewhere. I did that this afternoon: I had to bring the car to the dealer for its first 3750-mile oil change and tire kick. I sat in the waiting room with the laptop, logged onto their Wifi, and basically had my entire home setup with me, minus iTunes, iPhoto, and the big main monitor. But all of my mail, all of my writing, all of my files - it was all there. Very nice.

So it turns out (tentatively) that we are going to three of four Cubs games in August. We had tickets for a night game (Thursday, I think) and the Sunday afternoon game. Turns out one of Sarah’s coworkers is a rabid Cubs fan, and they bought a block of 100 seats in one of the upper deck sections. they’re having a huge roof party so everyone can get loaded on Old Style, then march over to Coors Field and act like heathens during the game. So yeah, we’re in. Well, I don’t drink though, so no Old Style. I’m also not sure where I stand on the whole Cubs thing. I realize a certain author in the Chicagoland area has a strong allegiance to the the team (unless maybe it is at the point of the season where he’s rebuilding his Lou Piniella hate shrine in his basement) so maybe I should choose my words carefully. In choosing my alliances, there are the following facts:

  • Lots of family from Chicago; reinfornces that Chicago nostalgia thing.
  • Many childhood memories of Hari Cari drinking excessively and singing drunkenly on WGN.
  • The first year I decided to follow baseball, I picked the Cubs as my “hometown” team, since Indiana didn’t have baseball. They finished the season 64-98. I decide not to follow baseball for about 25 more years.
  • I’m struggling with the concept of being a Rockies fan, and I’m starting to really like them.
  • There’s the whole “support your home team” thing, and not wanting to be a total piece of shit like Yankees fans at away games.
  • The Brewers are ahead of the Cubs by 3 1/2 games right now, and if there’s any team I would rather follow aside from the Rockies, it would be the Brewers.
  • I realize Sammy Sosa no longer plays for the Cubs, but he’s a bat-corking piece of shit juicer (sorry, alleged juicer.)

So yeah, tough call either way. Maybe I will just not wear any teamwear and keep my mouth shut.

Memory, games, WMDs

I have always named my computers after weapons of mass destruction, or general devices of warfare. I named my new machine 245t. Look it up.

My memory is still not here. Today, allegedly. I have 1 gig in now, and I will swap the 2x512 for 1x1 and 1x2 gig, so 3. Fun.

I am partially sick (probably from the rain, although everyone says getting sick from the rain is a wives’ tale, but it always happens to me) and it looks partially sick outside, so that’s not good. I’m also still mis-typing every third word on this damn keyboard. I should give up and go back to the old MS ergo.

I lied about only two more games this season - there are now 8. I bought one of the mini-series 6-pack deals. The new games are:

  • Milwaukee Brewers - 06 AUG 2007 at 07
  • Chicago Cubs - 09 AUG 2007 at 07
  • Chicago Cubs - 12 AUG 2007 at 01
  • San Diego Padres -07 SEP 2007 at 07
  • Los Angeles Dodgers - 19 SEP 2007 at 06
  • Washington Nationals - 24 AUG 2007 at 07

Those are all sets of tickets in the infield upper reserved. So right behind home plate, but up high. It was insanely cheap though - twelve total tickets for $216. I also have single day game tickets for the Brewers and Giants. And of course I’ll be buying those Rockies postseason playoff tickets when they go on sale. (Well, maybe not this year.)

Okay I am going to rewire the universe and get this keyboard figured out.