I have a new zine out

I have a new zine out.

It is called Mandatory Laxative #14. It is about lunchables and satanism.

It is 20 pages long. It is printed on an inkjet printer. It is as lo-fi as possible. I didn’t even spell-check it.

It contains the following “stories”:

  • Pain Is Only Temporary (Unless It Is Chronic)
  • A Scene Where A Guy Goes To A Colonics Clinic, Falls In Love With The Cashier, And Almost Ends Up Shooting A Fountain Of Coffee From His Ass
  • Sleep Letter Zero
  • Letter to Freddy
  • I Am A Satanist And I Like Toast Because It Is Cult And Evil
  • Someday This Could Be You
  • I Love Lunchables
  • Late At Night With Dwight Dingleson
  • Remember the Alamo, Motherfucker
  • Two Men Discuss Low Calorie Pizza Before A Ritual Satanism Killing
  • This Knife Means Fucking Business
  • Chili Sweats at Aerie #666
  • The Inevitability of an Accidental Saline Enema

It is listed on Goodreads here.

It is not available on Amazon. It is not available as an ebook or a PDF. It’s barely available at all. It is a limited edition of about 30 copies. If you really want a copy, and you are in the US, paypal me $4 and your postal address. jkonrath at rumored.com.

 

 

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Lunchables, In Order

  1. Turkey + Cheddar Cracker Stackers
  2. Turkey + American Cracker Stackers
  3. Pizza with Pepperoni
  4. Nachos, Cheese Dip + Salsa
  5. Extra Cheesy Pizza
  6. Mini Hot Dogs (only if heated)
  7. Ham + American Cracker Stackers
  8. Chicken Dunks
  9. Pizza Kabobbles
  10. Turkey + Cheddar Lower Fat Cracker Stackers
  11. Mini Burgers
  12. Light Bologna + American Cracker Stackers
  13. Any of the ones without juice
  14. Any of the ones with the bullshit 100% juice instead of Capri Sun
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Announcing KonCon 2015!

COMING SOON! THE FIRST MEETING AND CONVENTION FOR MY UFO CULT

NEXT MONTH!

KONCON 2015!

WHERE: The Hooters Casino in Las Vegas, Nevada.  (Strip-adjacent!)

WHEN: June 27-July 4th

WHAT: Come meet with author Jon Konrath and other like-minded people who are dumb enough to fly to the middle of the desert when the average temperature is 110 degrees.

ACTIVITIES INCLUDE:

  • Meet author Jon Konrath. Get your books signed and demand refunds because he is a horrible writer.
  • Discussion on the new Mariah Carey album.
  • We will be taking a field trip to a colonics clinic in a strip mall next to a gun range in North Vegas.
  • Hot wings.
  • Carrot Top show.
  • There will be free stickers.
  • If you need NyQuil, there is a Walgreen’s on the strip, next to the Smith and Wollensky where I threw up $200 of steak on my birthday about ten years ago.

NO REGISTRATION FEE JUST SHOW UP

Seriously – I am going to Vegas in the last week of June. I know the weather will be horrible. On the extreme off-chance you will be there, let me know.

I will live-blog everything. Stay tuned.

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