Answering stupid meme questions because I don’t feel like writing

Somebody sent me this on facebook.  Any time I try to write more than 38 characters on facebook, it usually crashes or tries to sell me auto insurance, so I will answer it here.  Also, I am so bored of the book I am trying to write that I almost went and googled “writing prompts” which is always a waste of my time, like googling “android vs. iOS” and expecting something concrete.  So here’s a bunch of answers to a bunch of dumb questions.

1. What time did you get up this morning?
4:40 AM, but then I reset my alarm to 5:59.  In a perfect world, I would have written for those 74 minutes, but having a dream about selling a moped to Spiro Agnew in an alternate reality where Hulk Hogan was killed on the cross and every church had an effigy of Hulk on a cross was preferable to staring at a blank screen for 74 minutes.

2. How do you like your steak?
I like it the way the chef prepares it.  I.e. I don’t like it with spit on it, so I leave him or her to decide how to cook it.  Paying $75 for a steak and then requesting that it be overcooked is like buying a Prius and then bolting a giant fucking bike carrier on the roof that doubles the amount of wind drag.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
The Debt.  It wasn’t bad.  Any movie set in East Berlin has got my attention until it no longer deserves it.

4. What is your favorite TV show?
TV is dead, and the only thing I watch with any regularity are stupid reality TV shows about cooking, and I’m usually reading the web at the same time.  The last show I really liked was this alternate history show that was on, although it was a pilot shot on like $37 and probably won’t get picked up.

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
What is that saying about LA being nine different cities?  There are at least two or three of them I would like.  One of the ridiculously huge and esoteric beach houses in Playa Del Rey or one of those weird things on the canal in Venice.

6. What did you have for breakfast?
A bowl of fiber one raisin bran and a thing of fat-free yogurt.

7. What is your favorite ice cream?
That fake Mexican restaurant Chi-Chi’s used to have fried ice cream, and I always liked that.  I went to a Mexican restaurant a couple of years ago in Daly City and ordered it, and they forgot to fry it, so it was a block of impossibly hard ice cream with the breaded coating on the outside.

8. What foods do you dislike?
Mushrooms, cauliflower, cilantro.  Mushrooms because my childhood was filled with slimy, canned, Kroger mushrooms that taste like fermented rubber tire pieces; cauliflower because I have a memory of my aunt pressure-cooking a huge amount of it until the house smelled like fried ass; cilantro, I have a weird reaction to it and even the smell of it tastes like soap to me.  I’ve heard this is genetic.  It means eating Mexican food in northern California can be very hit-or-miss for me.

9. Favorite Place to Eat?
How many of these god damned questions are about food?  Jesus christ, no wonder 114% of our population is obese.

10. Favorite dressing?

11. What kind of vehicle do you drive?
A Toyota Yaris.

12. What are your favorite clothes?
Jeans, t-shirt.

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance?
Mars.  Antarctica.

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full?
If you answer half full to this, either you are a goddamn liar, or you live in some rural part of Africa where there is no water.

15. Where would you want to retire?
I thought I answered this in #5.  Or do people retire where they don’t want to live?  That would explain Florida and Arizona.

16. Favorite time of day?
Right after work, right before this west-facing house turns into an oven.

17. Where were you born?
I should probably stop answering this question online before someone identity thieves themselves into my mortgage account.

18. What is your favorite sport to watch?
Baseball, although demolition derby is a close second.

19. Who do you think will not tag you back?
I am not tagging anyone.

20. Person you expect to tag you back first?
See #19

21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this?

22. Bird watcher?

23. Are you a morning person or a night person?
I used to be a night person, but I’ve become more of a morning person.

24. Do you have any pets?
Two cats, plus by proxy eleventy billion pets because of all of the animal shelters were dump money into.

25. Any new and exciting news you’d like to share?
I fucked your mother.

26. What did you want to be when you were little?
A person who answers lists of questions.

27. What is your best childhood memory?
Best as in what I remember the most, or the best thing that happened that I remember?  I remember all of childhood pretty well, and I don’t really want to.  My best memory is probably when I turned 18 and childhood ended.

28. Are you a cat or dog person?
Cat.  Dogs are followers, but cats do not give a fuck, which I can appreciate.

29. Are you married?

30. Always wear your seat belt?
Only when I’m in a car.

31. Been in a car accident?

32. Any pet peeves?
See also the last thousand entries in this blog.

33. Favorite Pizza Toppings?
Chunks of gold.

34. favorite flower?
What is the one they make opium out of?

36. Favorite fast food restaurant?

37. How many times did you fail your driver’s test?

38. From whom did you get your last email?

39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
The blank credit card store.

40. Have you done anything spontaneous lately?

41. Like your job?
It doesn’t involve food.

42. Broccoli?
I think broccoli was one of the first vegetables I really liked, although that was only because in Indiana, you can only get broccoli with two and a half pounds of cheese whiz on it.

43. What was your favorite vacation?
Hawaii is always good.

44. Last person you went out to dinner with?
My wife, to this Thai restaurant called Summer Summer.

45. What are you listening to right now?
The Naked Lunch soundtrack.

46. What is your favorite color?

47. How many tattoos do you have?

48. How many are you tagging for this quiz?

49. What time did you finish this quiz?

50. Coffee Drinker?


More Various Trivia

  • James Cameron came up for the idea for the Terminator screenplay after his Audi 5000 was recalled for unintended acceleration.
  • One in five American domestic house cats are unable to digest aspartame.
  • Fiber supplements containing more than 9 grams of insoluble fiber are illegal without a doctor’s prescription in Sweden.
  • Serial killer Richard “the Nightstalker” Ramirez briefly worked in the  Sunnyvale, California factory that produced the original “6-switch” Atari 2600 video game system.
  • The Empire State Building was originally constructed with only men’s bathrooms.  The female bathrooms were added in 1947.
  • It is impossible for a person who weighs less than 125 pounds to be killed by quicksand.
  • The state of Rhode Island has no laws regulating the sale of explosives.
  • The Russian mystic Grigori Rasputin’s fourth cousin is Jeffry Ross Hyman, better known as Joey Ramone.
  • It takes over 800 pounds of cobalt, mined from the republic of Zambia, to form the enamel used to paint a single Harley-Davidson motorcycle. The UNIP-attempted coup of Zambia in 1997 almost halted production of Harley motorcycles in the US.
  • People with ulcerative colitis are unable to visualize 3D films produced by the IMAX Fusion Camera System.
  • General Foods attempted to buy the home computer division of Tandy-Radio Shack in 1982. Their Tarrytown, New York-based R&D division produced a report on fast food franchise-based computing which was later used as the basis for McDonalds’ 2004 nationwide WiFi rollout.
  • Levi P. Morton was the first US Vice President to not be involved in a duel.
  • Food trucks were first called “chuckwagons” after Charles Wesley Emerson, the founder of Emerson College in Boston, because of his fondness for dressing up as a cowboy and serving lunch to undergraduates at the school’s cafeteria.
  • If you fill a Mason jar with gasoline and drop a lit Bic lighter from a height of three feet, a safety mechanism in the lighter will prevent it from ever catching the gas on fire.
  • No commercially-available laminate flooring products are made without animal byproducts.
  • The Bluetooth protocol was originally implemented by Ericcson as a method of centrally controlling plumbing fixtures in Norwegian apartment buildings.
  • Over 130,000 people are killed every year worldwide by defective footwear.
  • In his later life, Robert Craig “Evel” Knievel studied abstract impressionist painting with Charles Pollock, brother of Jackson Pollock.
  • Kansas City, Missouri has the highest number of mosques per capita of any city in North America.
  • In the early 60s, Hunter S. Thompson ghost-wrote five Louis Lamour novels, which were not published until after his death.

List: 30 Ways to Reach First Base

  1. Hit a single.
  2. Reach on an error.
  3. Walk on four balls.
  4. Get hit by a pitch.
  5. Catcher drops the ball after the third strike.
  6. Fan interference.
  7. Catcher interference.
  8. A pitching infraction that results in a 4th ball.
  9. A pitched ball lodges in the catcher or umpire’s mask on the third strike or fourth ball.
  10. Replacing another player that just reached first base.
  11. Purchase failing MLB franchise, build new stadium, create a ground rule stating that a player with your exact name is awarded first base at each at bat regardless of the strike/ball count, add yourself to the 25-man roster.
  12. Star in a stupid movie based on a British book written about a different sport, run on field to chase romantic interest Jimmy Fallon.
  13. Take a 25% dose of the steroids normally used to hit home runs.
  14. Take 4 train from East Side or B/D train from West Side, stop at 161st St, enter at gate 6.
  15. Hire Uri Geller, learn secrets of hypnosis, hypnotize all defensive players and umpires.
  16. Jet pack.
  17. Time at-bat with zombie apocalypse, wait until all players are infected, have co-conspiritor drop large pile of human brains on the warning track by center field.
  18. Build time machine, send cyborg back in time to kill pitcher’s parents; repeat until you get a really bad pitcher you can easily hit.
  19. If you play first base, you will always reach first base nine times, provided you don’t leave the game early.  (Why isn’t this ever on any of these lists?)
  20. Have fans throw batteries at the head of the pitcher.  (Works best if you play for the Phillies and are at a home game.)
  21. Scout a pitcher born with phenylketonuria; feed him large amounts of aspartame prior to his start.
  22. After strikeout by a pitcher born outside of the United States, petition the United Nations Commission on International Trade Law for arbitration, arguing the pitcher’s work status is in dispute due to paragraph 9 of General Assembly resolution 2205 (XXI) of 17 December 1966.
  23. Up-down-up-down-left-right-left-right-A-B-Start.
  24. Either build a second moon, or move an asteroid into Earth orbit, with enough mass to change tidal patterns and conversely change barometric pressure to alter the pitcher’s ability to locate the ball correctly.
  25. Do not give the pitcher LSD (especially if it is Doc Ellis.)
  26. Start a facebook petition to put you on first base.
  27. Travel to bizarro alternate reality where you get to advance to first base after you swing at nothing three times.
  28. Send a photo of a gun to the pitcher’s cell phone. (This probably works best if you are Elijah Dukes.)
  29. Be the daughter of Bud Selig when he is on first base and suddenly needs it to look like he doesn’t own first base because he took a new job.
  30. Practice.

2010, we hardly knew ye

2010 has come to a close, and I am getting a slow trickle of end-of-year letters and holiday cards in the old fashioned paper format, both things I always wish I would do, except I think about them roughly two days before xmas and all of my postal addresses are years out of date and in sorry shape.  Maybe I should put a reminder in iCal around mid-July that says something about thinking about this.  Another option is not giving a shit, which is more appealing.

But here I am, and here’s a year in summary for those who were not paying attention:

  • January brought about another trip to Vegas, my tenth trip there for my birthday.  I brought along my brand new DSLR, which I still know next to nothing about.  Highlights of the trip include paying for a dinner that cost roughly as much as my first four cars combined (although admittedly I used to drive some pretty shitty cars) and seeing Marc get so drunk that he sang “Turbo Lover” with great enthusiasm.  Photos of the trip, whittled down to a mere 100 photos (I took 49,324) is on flickr.
  • In February, I quit my job at the Korean status report company that happens to also make mobile phones.  During my tenure, I did all of the things a high-priced technical writer is most adept at doing, such as working at trade shows answering questions about said company’s televisions and washing machines, maintaining a bug database that was hardly used because the company preferred to use ten-meg excel spreadsheets mailed to the entire division to keep track of bugs, and daily maintenance of a farm of cell phones that nobody used that required battery-out reboots.  You can read more about my departure at Three stars in the sunset.
  • I published the 13th and probably final issue of Air in the Paragraph Line, which included two of my short stories, and lots of other great stuff by John Sheppard, Timothy Gager, Hassan Riaz, and a dozen or so others.  Check it out in paperback on Amazon – only $9.95 for 240 pages of excellent reading.  Or if you’re a Kindle person, it’s only $1.99 for the e-book version, which is a steal.
  • I got a tech writing job at a company nobody has heard of, which sells a pricing software solution that I could explain in maybe four hours with a whiteboard and a lot of markers, provided you have at least a minor in economics.  The good news is that I got on a team with three other writers and two more open positions (I have been working solo forever), met some good folks, and got to work in Java again.  The bad news is that when you have a product that only a couple of dozen companies use, you tend to do stuff like make the interface only work in IE6 and have a configuration situation that’s roughly as intuitive as being given nothing but air, earth, fire, and water and having to build a B-2 stealth bomber.  But the pay was good and the Cokes were free, so I planned to hang out there a bit and slog away at 600-page config guides.
  • After roughly six months at the new job, I got a call from my old boss at my job in New York where I worked from 2001-2007.  They offered to let me work at home doing what I did back then, and I accepted, bringing the job total for 2010 up to three.  The new job has been a great situation, albeit a bit weird to be back editing things I wrote years ago.  It’s great to be back with the band after so many years apart, but of course the best part is I no longer spend two to three hours a day in my Toyota stuck on traffic on the I-880.
  • We bought another house, the unit four doors down from our previous one, to have more space and to give me a home office.  It’s roughly twice as big as the old place, and after a few months of insanely high stress, it’s a pretty decent situation.
  • My seasonal allergy situation got progressively worse, and I went on a whole armada of pills, sprays, and inhalers to combat it.  I briefly tried acupuncture, which I found to be a crock of shit.  I then got allergy tested and started allergy injections, so we’ll see how that goes in a few months when I get up to maintenance levels.
  • We went to Denver in August to see the Rockies.  I spent more money than I have ever spent for a pair of seats right behind home plate, and of course they lost that game.  But we had a good time, and I shot roughly 847,231 photos.  I also found out Prince Fielder does not like being called Cecil, especially when he is at bat.  There’s some non-baseball pics of Denver here, along with the Coors Field tour, and the first and second game against the Brewers.
  • I saw a total of six baseball games this summer: Rockies @ Giants twice, Brewers @ Rockies twice; Cardinals @ Giants, and Rangers @ A’s.  Photos of a lot of those are here.
  • I got a new MacBook Pro, the highest-spec’ed i7 15″ model, the day the new rev came out.  It is a sweet piece of machinery and I love everything about it, except the fact that it has not made me write more or better.
  • I also got an iPad in October.  The world is divided into two types of people: those who have no idea who the hell would ever want an iPad, and those who realize that they will forever change the way you use a computer.
  • I went back to New York for the first time since leaving in 2007.  They’ve cleaned the subways since I left.  Once.  See also this and this for the full report.
  • I guess I read a lot over the year, but a good chunk of that was re-reading.  Jonathan Lethem’s Chronic City was probably one of the more enjoyable books I read in 2010; Jerry Stahl’s Pain Killers was also a good read.  I also, thanks to the Kindle, got through a big chunk of Philip K. Dick’s older works, with Ubik being a great work and The Three Stigmata of Palmer Eldritch completely blowing my mind.
  • I’ve realized I had all but given up on being timely or in style with music, and I probably listened to mostly crap I’ve had for twenty years.  I think the new 2010 album I enjoyed the most in 2010 was A Star-Crossed Wasteland by In This Moment, although I am the only person in the world who liked their previous album better, but you can’t argue anything with a metal fan, which is why I have given up on ever reviewing albums.  The new Devo was okay, and BT released eleventy billion remixed tracks, which were decent but nowhere near This Binary Universe, which still probably remains, to me, as one of the best albums ever recorded.
  • I have big plans for 2011, and none of them involve writing more dumb bulleted lists, so I hope this gets it all out of my system.

LA impressions

Another week is done, and all of our stuff arrived in mostly one piece. After a few more days (or months) of rearranging, it will be business as usual here. Which brings me to thoughts about what I like, what is good, and what’s odd about this place. Rather than try to write some prose, I will start with a big bulleted list.

    • I am in awe anytime I drive past something and realize it was in movie XYZ or some recent TV show. I had this to the point of overload in NYC, especially with all of the Law and Order shows, but I think moving to Denver knocked that out of my head, and now it’s all amazing to me again.
    • I’m always reminded of Bukowski. There are old dive bars that still have their signs from the 60s, the styleized cursive words in neon, dull after 40 years of dirt and smog, and I always wonder if that was a bar where he hung out. This is further confused by the fact that a lot of brand new bars and restaurants have similar signs that were made to conform with the whole Swingers retro craze.
    • (As an aside, I want to make a google map of all Bukowski stuff. I have heard there is a bus trip that makes this route, so maybe I better get off my ass.)
    • I forget if I mentioned Fry’s, the electronics store. There’s one down in Manhattan beach, and I think I’ve been maybe once or twice. I don’t know how I missed out on this all of my geek life (probably because I didn’t live in California) but that place is off the hook in a very major way. Basically you start with a Best Buy or Circuit City, but instead of, say, only three types of computer keyboard in stock, they have an entire aisle, like three dozen types. And they aren’t all from one manufacturer, they hit all of the bases, and even have the el cheapo Taiwan junk you can only get in mail order. It’s the same way in every section. Like in Best Buy, if you need a USB cable, they have the Belkin 3-foot or the Belkin 9-foot, end of story. At Fry’s, they have 863 different USB cables, half of them things you’ve never heard of before. And the place even has resistors and oscilloscopes and soldering irons and computer parts at the level the big boxes would not. The customer service can be a little surly, and the ambience is Costco meets a room in the MIT computer science freshman dorm. But yeah, very dangerous to the wallet.
    • I’ve spent very little time in what most people would think of when they envision LA, because Playa Del Rey is isolated. With the ocean to the west, LAX to the south, the LMU campus west, and the Marina Del Rey channel and Ballona wetlands to the north, there’s a pretty decent buffer zone on all sides.
    • That buffer also includes smog, which seems to be broken up by the ocean. And the temps are about five degrees cooler here, which is weird, because I put forecasts for both here and LA in my dashboard.
    • When I drive to/from anything north, I have to drive on Culver (which just got repaved last weekend) and through the Ballona wetlands. It’s strange to be in LA and be driving down a road in which nothing but swamps are on either side of you. It sort of reminds me of the farming in the middle of Oahu, if you drive the back roads to the North Shore. And at night, you hear very loudly the sound of frogs out in the swamp.
    • (Yesterday I determined that the best song to listen to while driving there is Lynard Skynard’s “Swamp Music”.
    • I still hear and see the jets from LAX southeast of us. The jets aren’t that loud, and the sound is almost soothing. I am sure when I go on vacation and I’m not near an airport, I won’t be able to sleep.
    • We were driving around, and south of LAX (at Imperial and Main) is this little observation park, where you can see jets taking off and landing. There was a small group of dudes with gigantic camera lenses the size of tallboy beer cans taking pictures. I guess before 9/11, you could park and go inside the terminal to a roof-top restaurant and see the jets close up, but that ended quickly.
    • There are a ton of old cars on the road here. I always thought the draconian emissions laws kept cars older than a decade or two from geting plates. But with no salt and no rust, cars last forever here. There are fuckloads of old classic Beetles still rolling here, with perfect sheet metal. And at least once a trip, I see some completely cherry car from the 50s or 60s, like an ancient Packard or a topless GTO with three twos. And I’ve seen many classic Camaros, the early 70s models that are my favorite. For a fan of old cars, it’s a phenomenal place to be.
    • The best food in LA tends to be in strip malls. I don’t know if that’s because all of southern California is a strip mall, or if just one of those backward things, like that the best doctors don’t take insurance, or the best clubs in NYC don’t have signs outside. We went to this soul food restaurant, which was like next to a TCBY or Vons or Rite Aid or something, and it had been there forever. They had the signed photos on the wall, and I’m looking and there’s a picture of Martin Luther King Jr. – personally signed to the owner. Their fried chicken was also like the best I’ve ever had. I need to forget about that place if I want to make it to 40, though.
    • Hughes Aircraft had a huge facility just up the road in what’s now called Playa Vista. They built the Spruce Goose there, then disassembled it into chunks and trucked it to Long Beach for its maiden flight.
    • Prices of almost everything here is back to about what I was used to in New York, with a few odd exceptions. For some reason, the McDonald’s closest to me is very cheap. My usual (#2, no pickles, coke) cost $5.95 in Denver, and now it’s $4.84. Other cheaper things: car washes, housecleaning, lawn care and landscaping, and anything related to fresh fruits and vegetables. (See a pattern?)

And I am now in bachelor mode, as Sarah goes to Atlanta to visit Mitsubishi. This will largely consist of playing the now-connected PS3 and trying to write this game I am working on. So I better get to work on that.



I don’t feel like writing, but feel a need to update, so you get another bulleted list:

  • I chopped off all of my hair today. It’s down to about a #2 guard, so it looks like I just got done with basic training. Much easier to wash, much more comfortable.
  • I saw the movie Old School against advice, and it was actually really funny. Will Ferrell didn’t actually ruin it, and Vince Vaughn was hilarious playing a blue-veined dick (which he’s sorto f typecast into.)
  • I saw High Fidelity tonight, after reading the book last week. (re-re-re-reading…) I loved the movie except for the woman who played Laura, who was horrible. The scene where they were beating up Tim Robbins/Ian is hilarious.
  • Still writing this new book, although it is going slow.
  • I hate daylight savings time, at least the spring part. It would be nice if it always moved backward, so you’d get like an extra two hours a year.
  • PS2: I got Splinter Cell, which is damn hard but cool looking; Auto Modelista, which is really interesting looking but entirely vapid; and Tribes Aerial Assault, which is very hard to play but incredibly worth it.
  • I heard the Pink Floyd song “Wish You Were Here” in K-Mart today.
  • I can’t think of anything else.

Stupid Facts

  1. I like the new Coke can design. It’s cool.
  2. I’m trying to figure out how the impending Broadway musicians’ strike will actually affect me, since I’ve never been to a Broadway show and never really intend to.
  3. I almost bid on a 1976 Gremlin in Staten Island that was up to $300. I wanted to paint flames on it, with a roller and housepaint, and paint OFF THE PIGS on the back of it. And if I got pulled over by the cops, I would say I was a pork farmer.
  4. There seems to be some kind of national shortage of Levoxyl, a synthetic thyroid replacement. So I’ve been out of the shit for a few days now.
  5. Emil Goldfus (aka “Abel”), the NY-based Russian spy who was exchanged for Gary Powers, lived in the same apartment building as Norman Mailer when he was writing the spy novel Barbary Coast. They didn’t know each other, though.
  6. I have a chance to go to Hawaii for four days for $700. I am debating checking it out in April or May.
  7. It’s raining like a motherfucker out.
  8. I thought those Catherine Zeta Jones/T-Mobile ads were annoying, but now for some reason I find her incredibly hot. Maybe it’s because I keep going to their site every three minutes to see what is up with my Sidekick.
  9. The Cigar Corner, on the corner of 30th Ave and Steinway, sells Barely Legal magazine. No I did not buy it.
  10. There is a cheat in Grand Theft Auto – Vice City that changes all of the pedestrians into the cast of the Michael Jackson Thriller video: zombies, and an occasional red-leather MJ wannabe.
  11. After someone is killed in the gas chamber, their body has to be completely scrubbed with bleach before it can be handled.
  12. Only three US Presidents have cried in public while in office: William McKinley, William Taft, and George W. Bush.
  13. You can use vinyl dye (sold at car parts store for refinishing car interiors) to paint plastic parts like bezels of computer drives, keyboards, cases, etc.
  14. Diesel engines get better city mileage than highway, because heat makes diesel combustion more efficient.
  15. I have a beard again. I’ll try to take some pictures of it this time. [I’m glad I didn’t.]
  16. The acronym TWAIN (a scanner interface) stands for Technology Without An Interesting Name.
  17. The bible is the most shoplifted book in the USA. (Strange, considering how easy it is to get a free copy from the Gideons…)
  18. The first flushing toilet in a movie was in Psycho.
  19. I’m sick of writing these facts.

random stuff

A bunch of random stuff:

  • Wendy’s just shorted me a spicy chicken sandwich, and gave me a Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger instead. I hope you rot in hell, Dave Thomas!
  • I put on ad on to see if the $10 would make a difference or not toward book traffic. There’s more traffic, but no email or anything else. It’s going to run for 7 days, so we’ll see. If not, it’s only ten bucks.
  • I bought a Nokia phone on with the hopes of putting the SIM card from my VisorPhone in it, but the damn thing is locked. I might be able to get T-Mobile to unlock it, if I can endure their customer support.
  • I am reading Small Town Punk from John Sheppard. It’s a great book and you should go buy a copy. And if you give me any of that “I’m too poor” shit, you can download a PDF of the whole thing online.
  • I renewed until 2005. That number looks really weird to me for some reason.
  • I upgraded to the next level of service from my provider ( I now have twice as much disk space and bandwidth. More importantly, I have the ability to do CGI scripts and PHP code. So when I get a spare ten seconds to think about this, I will start redesigning Rumored to have more interactive stuff on it.

Okay, now I need to go dig for some fucked-up CGI scripts to put on this site.




  • When people talk about “hate literature”, how much of the hate literature out there is done via limerick? Is this a lost art form, at least in the genre of racist literature? I think the government should fund more hate limerics so they will have more of them to ban.
  • Can you go to school for arbitrage? Is that like a degree program, or just a certificate?
  • If this is such a violent country, why aren’t more people killed at sporting events? I would think arenas would encourange the occasional beating death to help stimulate TV ratings.
  • How many of those solar-powered calculators would it take to power my house?
  • Did I read this wrong, or is the woman that ate the apple in Genesis 3 a different person from the woman that Adam called his wife in Genesis 4? She isn’t called Eve until after they left the garden.
  • Dave Mustain of Megadeth broke up their band because he can’t play guitar. Metallica can’t play because their bass player quit. So why don’t they get the bass, drums, and other guitar from Megadeth and they could join Metallica? They would have 2 drums (like old Genesis), 3 guitars, and a bass. And they could call it Metallicadeth. Or Megatallica.
  • Would it be illegal to print all of the spam I recieve as a book? I would also include pornography so it is interesting.
  • If Jews atone their sins on the holy day of Yom Kippur from dawn to dusk, would a Jew travelling east in a plane be more atoned? Would a Jew who crossed the international date line be less atoned?
  • (Oh wait, I guess they aren’t supposed to fly planes then. Never mind.)
  • If we ever go to Mars, do you think the makers of Mars bars will have some special candy out? Or will it become the standard candy of Mars? I don’t really like Mars bars, but I would like to go to Mars, and don’t want to rock the boat or anything.
  • If a person with no hands used a Palm Pilot, what would it be called?

Okay, I’m bored of this.