Help me find my car keys and we can drive out of here!

1) The Pony Express was a myth invented by the saddle industry at the start of the automobile era to keep people interested in buying saddles.

2) Everyone talks about the number of assholes and eyeballs included in the meat stuffed inside of hotdogs, but they seldom mention how most sausage casing is made out of intestines.

3) A good idea for a touching short story would be a chance encounter between Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder, in which they discuss the harshness of the blind jokes leveled against them. The story would end with them making pedophile jokes about Michael Jackson.

4) Every great work of literature written in the 20th century is somehow about some guy trying to get his dick sucked.

5) In civilizations that use giant carved stones weighing hundreds of pounds as a form of currency, chiropractors must have made some serious cash from rich people who kept throwing out their backs.

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