Space is the place

A: If you could be on any TV show, which one would you pick?

D: To Catch a Predator. Except I would not actually molest any children; I would show up at the house with a rasta wig on, and every time Chris Hansen would ask me a question, I would answer like Lil’ Jon and either say “YEEEEAHHH” or “WHAAAT” and keep saying it over and over until he left or punched me in the face. So like he would say “we need to talk” and I would say “YEEEEAAAHHHH” and he would say “do you know why you’re here?” and I would say “WHAAAT” and he would say “do you know why you’re here?” and I would say “WHAAAT” and he would say “do you know why you’re here?” and I would say “WHAAAT” and he would say “do you know why you’re here?” and I would say “WHAAAT” and he would say “do you know why you’re here?” and I would say “YEEEEAAAAAAH” and I would make an extended remix of the whole interview and autotune it and sell it on iTunes for 99 cents.

A: Didn’t Morley Safer do that in 1967 on 60 Minutes?

D: No, he was still with the London bureau chief for CBS News then. That was when Lyndon Johnson accused Safer and his colleagues of having “shat on the American flag.” I’d probably pay good money to see Morley Safer in a gang-bang porno, taking a dump on another dude. I’m not gay or anything, I’m just saying if 60 Minutes ever fires him, I’m sure a lot of people would agree that he has a viable career in the male-male coprophagia business.

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