My neighbor, a 14-year-old gay Puerto Rican boy named Raul, knocked on my door, dressed as Howard Cosell. Raul had some weird cosplay issues, and frequently went to The Ramrod in Chelsea dressed as a member of the Houston Oilers or Evel Kneviel in drag and let old tourist guys piss on him for a dollar. “Do you have the channel 47?” he asked.
“Raul, even if any two apartments in this neighborhood had the same cable provider, I’m sure Time-Warner would somehow fuck up what channels they offered on any given day of the week so the lineup numbers never stayed the same.”
“Is the espanol cartoon channel,” he said.
“I actually don’t have cable,” I said. “I used to steal it from the guy in B5, but he died last year, and when they discovered his body six months later, the landlord disconnected all of his utilities. What’s on the cartoon channel?”
“Es Muy Dangeroso. I miss it tonight to go to ramrod.”
“I’ve heard about that one,” I said. It was a Telemundo rip-off of a bunch of American cartoons: Spongebob Squarepants, Dora the Explorer, etc, except a group of Mara Salvatrucha gang soldiers terrorized a prison cell block of cartoon characters. It’s insanely popular with Chicano boys, who love how the MS-13 ringleaders start prison riots, commit forced sodomy, and engage in human trafficking and retribution mutilation of the corpses of their victims. “Sorry I can’t tape it for you. Maybe I can download the torrent after it’s run. Check back with me tomorrow, and we’ll look for it.”
“Thank you meester!” he said, running back to his apartment to get ready for a night of water sports and hallucinogenics.