MACHETE DONT…

My friend Jessica had her IM status set to “MACHETE DON’T TEXT” from the movie Machete, and it instantly turned into a game I could probably play all day:

(11:19:53 AM) jonkonrath: MACHETE DON’T FINISH COURT-MANDATED DRUG REHAB
(11:21:07 AM) jessicalyn1124: machete dont use coupons when he grocery shops
(11:21:30 AM) jonkonrath: MACHETE DONT STOP WEARING WHITE AFTER LABOR DAY
(11:22:05 AM) jessicalyn1124: machete don’t vote in the primaries
(11:22:58 AM) jonkonrath: MACHETE DON’T INSTALL MANDATORY SECURITY UPDATES FOR WINDOWS XP
(11:23:53 AM) jessicalyn1124: Machete don’t need car insurance
(11:24:18 AM) jonkonrath: MACHETE DON’T USE SHAMPOO AS LUBE (ANYMORE)
(11:25:34 AM) jessicalyn1124: Machete don’t break for yard sales
(11:26:21 AM) jonkonrath: MACHETE DONT SPLIT A PAIR OF EIGHTS IN BLACKJACK
(11:26:42 AM) jonkonrath: MACHETE DONT DIAL NINE FOR AN OUTSIDE LINE
(11:27:07 AM) jessicalyn1124: Machete don’t contribute to his 401k
(11:27:47 AM) jonkonrath: MACHETE DONT FOLLOW THE “BEER AFTER LIQUOR” RULE
(11:28:12 AM) jonkonrath: MACHETE DONT TIP THE VALET PARKING ATTENDANT
(11:28:13 AM) jessicalyn1124: Machete don’t return library books, eveer!
(11:28:45 AM) jessicalyn1124: Machete fucks with Wu Tang Clan
(11:29:04 AM) jonkonrath: MACHETE DONT SAVE EMPTY DECORATIVE JARS FROM JAM AND JELLY TO USE AS A QUAINT DRINKING GLASS FOR ICED TEA
(11:29:25 AM) jessicalyn1124: Machete don’t recycle
(11:29:32 AM) jonkonrath: MACHETE DONT ANGLE HIS WHEELS INWARD WHEN PARALELL PARKING ON A DOWNHILL GRADE
(11:30:15 AM) jessicalyn1124: Machete dont floss
(11:30:56 AM) jonkonrath: MACHETE DONT RINSE OR REPEAT AFTER LATHERING
(11:32:08 AM) jessicalyn1124: Machete don’t use a target card to save 10% on today’s purchase
(11:32:52 AM) jonkonrath: MACHETE DONT ROLL A GARLIC CLOVE ON A CUTTING BOARD FIRST TO BREAK THE SKIN BEFORE PEELING IT
(11:33:18 AM) jessicalyn1124: Machete don’t call ahead to order pizza
(11:34:01 AM) jonkonrath: I HAVE NOT SEEN MACHETE YET IS IT ANY GOOD