For Fucks Sake

I spoke too soon about having a cold – seems like a three-day weekend of sitting around reading and drinking way too much orange juice cleared up the sore throat business before it progressed any further. I read this book called For Fucks Sake by Robert Lasner. It’s an excellent novel basically describing the indiscretions of youth and one guy’s love and sex pursuits. Think Henry Miller’s best riffing in the Nexus-Plexus-Sexus sense set in a 1990s punk rock squalor. I love reading stuff like this – it’s similar to my pal John Sheppard’s Small Town Punk, but just a slightly older guy, a different part of the country, and no Pizza Hut. Anyway, Lasner started his own publishing company to put out his book, and he’s got other new stuff coming out, which is awesome. If you send him ten bucks, he’ll send you an autographed copy of FFS and a bumper sticker, postage included. You can’t beat that.

In my infinite free time this weekend, I decided to count all of my books. This was a favorite pasttime of mine in Seattle, and somewhere I have sheets of legal paper (stolen from work) tallying everything on all of my shelves. I stopped doing this when I moved to NY, and the books have been piling up, so I figured it was time. Anyway, the total count without zines is 887, plus I got two books in the mail today, so that’s 889. That might seem like a hell of a lot to someone who only has two or three books in their house (and yes Larry, we already know you have sold everything you own on ebay and half.com), but from a collector’s perspective, that doesn’t seem to be a lot. Of course, about 200 of these are currently on my floor, so that makes it seem like a lot more.

Speaking of wasting time, I took this physical attraction test on Match.com tonight. (I don’t know the link, just look it up.) Anyway, in this thing, you basically say yes or no to a bunch of pictures, sort of like an eye test. (“This, or this?”) Then you look at sketches of women’s figures and look at a bunch of pictures of chests and asses and stuff, and then it allegedly tells you what kind of woman you like. They also have a test for women, I don’t know if you look at pictures of guy’s units, or maybe it just shows pictures of wallets with varying degrees of money in them. The test basically told me the following valuable information about myself:

  1. I like women with red hair.
  2. I like women with large breasts.
  3. I don’t like women of any ethnic persuasion or minority.
  4. I’m likely to waste 20 minutes of my life taking a stupid online test.

They were very scientific and precise in describing this test, as if an army of scientists from some psychology department somewhere spent several million dollars of research money devising this system. All I can say is if they ever use a similar technology to identify criminals, there are a lot of people guilty of nothing more than a parking ticket who are fucked.

That’s all. Gotta go write.

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