All the people I’ve hit lately

I keep forgetting to write about all of the people I’ve hit lately. No, I haven’t been watching too much WWE wrestling, and I haven’t been picking fights. First, about a week ago, I was coming out of the ATM area of my bank, and as I opened the door, I saw someone was walking right into it. I slightly closed the door, and hoped they would notice it, but they didn’t. He walked right into the fucking metal face-first, fell on the ground, and dropped everything. I simultaneously offered my greatest apologies while trying not to bust out laughing because the guy was such an idiot. Then the next day, I was walking on Steinway Street and adjusting my walkman so my elbow was out. This kid was running at top speed toward me while his head was looking back and he was yelling “Mommy! Mommy! Buy me things! More sugar! Mommy!” in Spanish, and BAM! He ran EYE FIRST right into my fucking elbow, fell to the ground, and had a fit. Priceless.

I haven’t been paying attention to the news lately, mostly because the local news has been flooded with these “problem-solver” shows where they track down someone’s bridal photographer to shake down some money out of them for fucking up their pictures. How this is more important than the city’s money problem or the nation’s wars, I don’t know. And I don’t have CNN, or the time to deal with any national web site. I know there are all of these small sites with various conspiracy theories about how Wellstone’s plane was blown up by the CIA or whatever, but I just don’t have the fucking patience anymore. I know we’re all supposed to be all plugged in and informed and active and think globally act locally and everything else, but I can’t even convince my landlord to turn on the heat most of the time, let alone get Bush to stop a war.

Besides, I’m a firm believer that sweeping changes of any sort, good or bad, simply won’t happen in the world, because even tiny changes take so damn long to get through so much resistance. Pot will not be legalized in my lifetime. We will not set foot on Mars in my lifetime. There’s a pretty good chance we won’t set foot on the moon again while I’m still around. There might be a third party president; there is a small chance that there will be a black president in the next hundred years, and a smaller one that there will be a woman. I don’t say these things because I beliece they are great or because I want to see them. I say these things because these almost no-brainers won’t happen, yet a lot of people think we’ll abolish corporations and pass the 18-week vacation plan and stop consumerism and ban the automobile and repeal income tax in the near future. It’s not going to happen. Life is mediocre, and the mediocrity will continue until we’re hit by an asteroid. Learn to work around that given.

And quit bothering me about the war, people. There won’t be a war. There hasn’t been a war since 1945. There might be a police action, or maybe UN troops will be deployed. But I’m not a policeman, I’m not in the army, and even if I got drafted, I have enough medical problems to keep me safely behind a desk. War kills people, but so do cars. So do unpasteurized vegan juices. I’m not that concerned about sending the lower fifth percentile of high school graduates to go play cards in the desert for six months. The government does much more evil shit than send people to Saudi. But when you realize the government is no hero and no great hope and no perfect system, the easier it is to ignore CNN and live your life.

Sorry for getting all preachy, it’s been one of those weeks.


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