I’ve been trying to figure out what to do with this thing for the past few days. I’m unhappy with the entries since I re-started this journal in April, and I have no energy or content to make this any better. I have no desire to write, and I have no desire to tell anyone what is going on with my life. Nothing is going on with my life, and I know nobody reads this.
I’ve been in a really bad place lately. All I really do is go to my job, and come home. Most people say that because they hate their job and it consumes their life. My job doesn’t, and I actually like it. The problem is that I live thousands of miles from anybody that I know, and aside from editing a book that nobody’s going to buy, I have nothing to do. It’s incredibly depressing, and I can’t write entries that say “I went to the village, and looked at all the happy people, but didn’t have the guts to talk to anyone.” But that’s essentially all that has happened to me in the last few months.
I blame all of this on myself because I left a relationship and hurt someone greatly, and this was all my fault, and now what comes around goes around. So I can’t expect any amount of pity, because I’m completely responsible for the situation I’m in. I guess that means I’m responsible for getting myself out of it, but I don’t really have the energy to do that. I’m not entirely sure where that leaves me.
At any rate, updating this journal any further would be an exercise in futility. I’m hopeful that at some point, I’ll get my shit together and come back and write something meaningful. But for now, I’m just focusing on my job, and trying to find out what to do with my life. If anyone has any wise ideas, you know where to find me.