Did I mention that Anton LaVey died? I guess he actually died on the 29th, but his birth certificate says the 31st, which is the major Satanic holiday, aside from your own birthday. His family didn’t report it to the public until this week. Pretty weird.

(For those of you who don’t know – Anton LaVey was the founder of the Church of Satan, and the author of the Satanic Bible, among other books. No, I am not a Satanist – I consider myself more of a Humanist, which in itself is not much more than a label saying I think man is responsible for his own problems. I’ve read The Satanic Bible, and I own a copy, and it has its moments. It isn’t based on killing cats and wearing little red horns, but then it isn’t for everyone, either.)

I’ve been working on an outline for the new and improved Summer Rain. There are many changes in the new version, mostly structural. It has a new ending, and I’m trying to change the pacing of the whole thing a bit more. I don’t know if I will ever write or rewrite anything based on this work – I usually quit after a bit of the outline and continue on some other project. But I’d like to get a decent-enough outline based on all of my old notes – an infallible outline – so that even if I quit, I will have details for later.

I should work on that outline now…



My new 28.8 modem works now, so downloads from home might be a bit more painless. I still need to mess with the dialup script a bit, because it isn’t perfect. I also have a 14.4 internal modem in /dev/modem and the 28.8 external in /dev/mouse. If I had two phone lines, I could run with both. I think I’m just going to wait until I get a house, and then I’m going to get a minidish with internet service on it.

Today I started writing a new outline for my first book, Summer Rain. It’s a frequently recurring project, but maybe something with come of it. I’m designing the book to be a series of short stories that are glued together by chapters that wouldn’t make sense out of place. So it will start with writing a short story, then another, then… In a worst case scenario, I will have a handful of bad short stories. Well, in a worst case scenario, I will have nothing done.

That book has been haunting me, and I’m stalled on Rumored to Exist, so I’ll toy with it a while. Some of it was being in Bloomington, and some of it is the need to write a solid novel of that size. I don’t know what I’ll do with it, but I just need to work out a cohesive piece of work that weaves together all of the feelings and surroundings from that part of my life. I don’t think my first pass did justice to that summer, and I need something with more depth to it. We’ll see.

I had lunch with Bill, Marc, Todd, and Chris Wilson – we went to Chang’s and I actually made Mongolian food with almost no meat in it. Todd and I got in a giant discussion about PC upgrades and what I should get for my ailing Linux box. I’ll eventually install a new monitor, video card, sound card, and CD-ROM. I need a power supply in there, too. All of this will be a slow process, though. I can’t afford to dump a grand into this thing just so I can play cool games or whatever.

It’s pitch black outside, which is my clue to leave…


One year

Today is my one year anniversary with my girlfriend. It doesn’t seem like that long, but I guess that’s my stock response to about any passage of time these days. I got her a present, but I won’t talk about it in case she reads this before I get over there.

The time difference was on my side today. I ‘slept in’ and still got to work eariler than usual. I got a lot of shit done here, but I feel like I’m massively behind. I figure with a week of kicking ass, I will be okay.

Speaking of work, it is 5:14 and I am still here. It’s dark as hell out right now, which should make my drive an adventure. It’s strange to be here this late. Reminds me of my Spry days, sort of.

As for the trip, I guess I haven’t talked as much about it. I have some strong feelings for Summer Rain and rewriting it, but that always happens when I visit Indiana. The whole trip made me feel like I need to do more with my life. Most of the people I know back in Indiana are just clogging their arteries and complaining about the weather. There are exceptions, but it makes me think that I need to do more – write books, save money, get in shape, etc.

For what it’s worth, everyone was shocked at how much weight I lost since last Xmas. They were even more shocked when I told them I lost it all in the last 3 months. Add more shock every time we went to some restaurant serving giant slabs of half-cooked meat where I only ate salad.

I should leave now if I’m ever going to get across the lake and see Karena…


Lost in Indianapolis

I’m back, and what a day. It started by me getting lost in Indianapolis – I have an uncanny ability for not knowing which was is north in that city. Then I left a tape in the car, and it is probably gone forever. Then my car bill came to like $450. Then all of my pens simultaneously ran out and I had to buy the shittiest bic pen for a dollar at the airport. Then I lost my checkbook in the plane, and didn’t find out until a few hours after I got home. (United found it – I have to go pick it up later this week).

Glad to be back. The trip didn’t go as planned, and I didn’t see as many people as I had wanted. Then again, many people and places are gone. Plus, I can no longer eat at my favorite old restaurants. It gets more depressing every visit, and I’m not sure I will go back in the near future.

Some of it was nice, of course. Seeing everyone – spending time alone, driving on old familiar roads, not working for a week. But I need to get back in gear.

Speaking of which – I have too much stuff to do right now. Maybe tomorrow I can write more about the trip.


In Elkhart time warp

I’m now in Elkhart, Indiana, at my friend Ray’s house. I’m staying here for the week, and visiting everyone in the old home town. Actually, ‘everyone’ consists of my mom, sister, nephew, dad, and Ray. Pretty much everyone else I knew from this pit was smart enough to leave, or so ashamed that they are hiding.

The Bloomington leg of the trip was interesting, but not entirely fulfilling. I had a lot of fun – spent a lot of time with Simms and the gang, including a kick-ass halloween party, met up with other friends like Andrea, Joe, Danielle, and more, and saw some of the campus. But with the rain, I didn’t really get to roam the campus as much. I tried, but the cold and everything made it hard to just stroll around and think. It’s also much more distant there – I don’t feel like I live there anymore. Majorly weird.

On Monday, I headed up to Indianapolis on my way to Elkhart, and saw my old pal Tom Sample. He’s the same old Tom, although he has a new apartment and a new cat. We hung out and then went to the abbey for some drinks and talk. I really miss hanging out with him… I will see him again on Saturday though; I am crashing there so I can make my flight out of Indy on Monday.

Today (yesterday – it is 3am) , I went to my old house. It’s still empty, but my mom is renting it out starting in December. I shot some camcorder of the place and searched for old stuff. It was like in Event Horizon when they opened the old ship and dug around. There’s some furniture, but some rooms are empty.. Once again, a lot of weird nostalgia. I also found a bunch of writing from about the 4th grade on up. I figured I should snag it before my mom shows it to someone.

We also went through a bunch of slides and transferred them to video today. Most of my baby pictures were on slides, and it was weird to see my relatives all young, thin, and with retro hairstyles. Also, my mom and sister say that my nephew Phillip looks like I did when I was a baby, and after looking at slides, I agree.

Nothing else here. Just stuck in a weird time warp…


From the IMU

Today’s journal is coming to you from the bowels of the Indiana Memorial Union. Although I’ve written paper journals in weird places (at 30,000 feet, in the middle of the golden gate bridge, at disneyland, at MIT, etc), I think this is the first online journal entry I’ve written outside of Washintgon.

Of course, I have much to write, and little energy. I’ve slept far too little, and done a year’s worth of walking in a day. I’m staying with my former roommate Simms, in my old house, on my old couch. He threw a massive Halloween party last night – more people than I’ve ever seen in that house before. He, Bennett, and Jason played his score to the classic silent vampire film, Nosferatu. The band was in the kitchen, and 3 TVs in various places in the house showed the laserdisc part of the show. Incredible stuff! I also saw many of my old cronies, and many people who knew of me that I didn’t know – Simms tells his Konrath stories to everyone he knows, and he knows many people. My costum- I went as Poison Ivy from the new Batman film. Don’t ask.

I managed to give away a shitload of zines last night – I set a stack of them on a table, and within an hour, a bunch of people were reading them or taking them. Cool.

Yesterday, I saw a lot of the town and realized how small it really is. I took the walk from the IMU to y old place in Mitchell Street. A lot of it looked the same, but it didn’t ring a bell anymore – it seemed distant. Most of my visit sofar has been like that. Things from my past are still here, but it doesn’t feel like it did before. Maybe my brain is telling me I should move on.

Speaking of moving on, I’ve got a shitload to do. Maybe I’ll try another entry while I’m still in Indiana…